#i'm fine i'm just having a 'everything feels hopeless and i've already failed' day

[lazylittledragon]

can anybody who's made it beyond 22 please tell me i'm going to be ok

[your-bigender-big-brother]

HelloI am not Thinking Well at the moment This is not really gender related and if you don't respond then it is **perfectly fine**. I am just a little desperate. I won't bother you with context but I am not exactly Well due to Reasons I have a little question: Should I try and somehow love myself and do the 'mental health'-y things? or should I keep living without living just waiting to die? A) should try to be kind somehow [scary] B) should continue doing whatever I'm already doing [hopeless] C) I should stop asking people I don't know for life advice and figure it out myself - J. Lavender

I've always liked the idea of "If you're scared, do it scared" but I know that isn't always the easiest route.

I am 34 years old and do not have anything figured out right now. The only thing cementing me is everything I do on Tumblr. That makes it seem like I don't entirely care about anything else - the zine, my memoir, my YouTube channel. There's a lingering apathy there that I can't quite shake because of my lack of confidence. I wouldn't quite care if it all failed and I only had my blog left.

That being said, there is a healthier way to use indifference to your benefit. You don't have to love yourself. It's nice, but it's something that takes a lot of work and isn't something you can do first before working on everything else. So, be indifferent. Don't try to force "I love my body and I love me." Try to think of it this way - "My body gets me to where I need to be. I am someone capable of a lot of good. People enjoy my company." There's less pressure to perform in a way that you will love. Instead, your focus is on a more practical way of tolerating yourself. It's a step toward the whole self-love thing, not something to live by for the rest of your life.

Being kind doesn't have to rely on loving yourself. Sometimes it just means taking care of yourself or doing things to make your life easier. Kindness is something beyond your opinion of who you are doing the kindness for, like being kind to strangers. You don't have to love a stranger to be kind to them and either way, they are deserving of kindness. You are deserving of kindness. Take it from someone who wants to die but is too busy to do something about it: Find something that distracts you. It doesn't have to be for anyone's benefit but your own. I feed outdoor cats, I grow plants, I raise colonies of isopods, I write queer stories, and I draw. A lot of that is just for me. Find something just for you. To answer your questions:

A) Yes, but focus more on taking care of your needs than on loving yourself. That can come later with time and practice. It's only scary when you set lofty goals for yourself and try to get to that point immediately, instead of taking the smaller and easier steps to get there first. Take the first step. B) Stagnation is a cycle and it's something I struggle with. Wake up tired, worry about how my tiredness is going to affect my day, start to spiral into "What if I fail today, don't get anything done, and then my long-term goals are ruined?", do everything with a lack of confidence and motivation, go to bed feeling like a failure. You don't want to keep doing the same thing over and over. You'll want to do just one thing that can interrupt the cycle. C) Reaching out really helps, but I think reaching out without the intention of gaining life advice is the more helpful option. Just be a part of a group. Talk to people. Do something fun or interesting with someone. - 💙💚

[nowheretobefound101]

I Will Find You

A one-shot story dedicated to humanity who suffers fear and pure sadness because of the unacceptable truth about death.

I know how you admire this place so much. A place where you always pick up your fresh daisies and collect it in your handwoven basket. This flower field of yours is where our story began and I still remember the scent of freshly picked flowers all over your dress and hair, and also, your signature smile that never fails to enlighten my days after it.

Right now, at this moment, you give me this nostalgia just like back in the day I first met you.

I was just roaming around in this unfamiliar place until I got lost in the middle of your flower field. I am just moved in at my grandparents' house at that time, and I decided to sneak out of the house for a while to find out if something is amusing in this place. I continue strolling around until I saw you, gracefully sitting on the ground filled with daisies, sweetly humming a calm melody, and your hair flows smoothly with the air that also gave off its a vivid color like it kisses the sun.

I silently walked towards you and crouched in front of you. As you opened your eyes, I saw a great shocked in your face.

"AHHH!! WHO ARE YOU!? DON'T MAKE A MOVE." You screamed as if I will gonna rob you.

"Ohh, My bad for scaring you, I'm lost." I said.

"Your name's lost? I think your parents' had a bad taste." She giggled as she fixed her dress.

"No, I... I mean, I am literally 'lost',and Jack is my name!" I corrected.

"I'm just kidding! By the way, I'm Elsa. I see that your are the newcomer that your grandma told me for a couple of days ago." She said.

"Okay, so my grandma never runs out of stories to tell huh. But, please, I just want to go home right now 'cuz I just sneaked out in fixing my stuffs."

"So someone's getting trouble later!" She teased.

"C'mon, just help me!" I pleaded.

"Calm down you sneaky ones, I'll help you, okay, but first, help me to pick these daisies for your grandma. And yeah, if you wanted a place for yourself you can just freely visit my flower field."

"Thank you for your warm welcoming, Elsa." I said.

After we picked up those daisies for my grandma, she guided and walked me home. I never imagine that my grandparents are really closed to her. I thought that they'll gonna sermon me, instead, they were both glad and shocked that I already known Elsa.

And also, I found out where my grandma, who is so fond of daisies, came from.

Every afternoon, we are always staying on our spot in your flower field. We eat, laugh, tell some stories, collect some flowers to be sold on the market, music jamming, and even ending up taking a nice nap wherein sometimes, grandma will gonna wake us up if she minded to visit the place.

Days... Months... To years. Two people who begin and meet up as strangers, and now, I can't believe that you are my fiance.

But, Is this a right choice?

I keep regretting myself, every day along with our joys and love, not telling you the real reason why I moved with my grandparents. You only knew that I moved because I don't have parents anymore. I also told my grandparents for a long time ago to keep my secret hidden from the world I know.

I agreed to live for the rest of my years with my grandparents, hide until it ended because of my terrible fate, yet, everything changes until you came into my hopeless life. It is all coincidental and you never failed to enlighten me. Honestly, I failed too many times in love but you are something unique and special that I've never seen to anyone.

You are the only one who enlightened my hopeless heart and soul.

And the day I feared came as I passed out in the middle of the fields while we are happily collecting some daisies. That moment, my sight slowly turns blurry and I can't even feel my body anymore. As I fell through the grounds, I saw the daisies burst out in the mid-air, suddenly, I heard your voice repeatedly calling my name... calling some help, until everything went pitch black.

As I woke up, I feel so weak, I am not even aware of what day it is, and I am just catching up on my breath. I tried to look around and I saw you, sitting beside my bed and sleeping as your head placed to your arms down to my bed, I want to call your name, but, I really can't. Luckily, you noticed me awake as you feel me moved my hands to yours. You quickly stand up and sit in front of me, you planned to call my grandparents but I stopped you because I want to let you know all my regrets before my time ends.

"Elsa, I am begging you, just listen to me."

"What is it Jack, I'm here and I can hear you." I see into your eyes how worried you are and feel it on how you pressed my hands.

"I am sorry if I'd never confessed to you about this unknown disease that makes me weaker every single day. I moved to my grandparents to hide my terrible and undesirable fate to all as I wanted to shut myself out from anyone. Yet, you came into my life. I don't blame it okay, honestly, I am glad that I met you. I know from the start that I can't keep this from you forever but I just don't want to see you and my grandparents burden the pains when I left. I'm so sorry, Elsa. I am really sorry."

"Hush, my darling and just take a deep breath. I knew it already, as I observed how clumsy you are, as to how you see the world around you, as to how those medicines were in your pockets... I knew it already, Jack. When you were carried here by our fellow villagers, your grandparents also talked to me about this and on how you shut yourself so you can't see anyone suffers. Jack, I am also glad that you are the only person who showed me the beauty of falling in love, you also gave colors to my world, and you also enlighten me to appreciate the world. You had done nothing wrong." She confessed.

"If this is the time for you to take your rest... It's okay, Jack. Don't worry too much about us." She added.

"Uhm... Elsa... Ca... Can I ask you something?" I weakly said to her. I am trying my best to catch up on some air as I still can.

"What is it?" She answered.

" I know we can't stop the time, dear. I'm sincerely sorry, but, I... I just wish to see you, smiling in front of me for the last time because this is the only thing, my last memorabilia of you, that I can take for my departure. I... I know it's hard for you to--"

You stopped me as you placed your hands on my cheeks and rubbing my tears that flow in my face. I weakly smiled at you as I felt the your gentle hands for the last time.

"I'll smile for you even you don't request it from me." She answered.

As she smiled, she can't control herself from her overflowing emotions of pain and sadness as I see her cry at the same time.

I see my grandparents for the last time trying to not interrupting us. They are just silently standing, and peeking and listening through a small gap in the door. She didn't notice them as she continuously cries out.

"It's okay to cry, Elsa." I said. I just hope that I can wipe her tears back. "Thank you for making me happy within my limited time. I'm sorry if I need to leave you so suddenly. I love you as I will be waiting for you in our next lives." I smiled, yet, everything surrounds me faded little-by-little.

"I love you 'till we meet again. Sleep now, Jack." And this is the last thing I heard.

Elsa cried so hard after I left and my grandparents open the door and approach her. Then, the room is just filled with their mourns and tears around my dead body.

Days turn to weeks that passed away quickly... I can't even tell you that my soul is still wandering around in this world because I was told to finish my last mission.

From the first, it made my mind discombobulated until I see your name flash within my memory.

"You are my last mission." I told to myself.

Even though you can't see, feel, or hear me anymore, I can still able to guide you throughout your sufferings. My soul's still alive to finish my last mission because you are still believing in me.

But history repeats itself, and now, I see myself to you who shut yourself to everyone. I can only sense your agonies, fears, and sadness all over the room. My grandparents always checked you in your home, yet, you always said that "You're fine. Just leave me alone."

What should I do? I want to accomplish this mission, but how?

I remembered that you have a sister who lives in the near village with her husband. I tried to find her, however, I still don't know what will should I do.

When night came, I planned if I can able to write and luckily I have enough strength as a soul to do it. While your sister and her husband sleeping, I tried to write a short letter that I hope it may help you.

Days later, your sister saw your letter and visit you again. She opens and enters your cabin, removed and placed her winter coat into the rack behind the door, and she goes straight to your room.

She knocks on your door but you didn't answered. She called,

"Elsa, please I know you're in there

People are asking where you've been

They say, 'have courage' and I'm trying to,

I'm right out here for you

Just let me in."

But still, you have no response.

Anna calls you for another time,

" We only have each other

It's just you and me

What are we gonna do?"

And you suddenly opened your door and let your sister enter. Both of you stand beside your window that is full of daisies. You still don't make any response and Anna seems so worried about you. But, as the moment you pick up a daisy, Anna blurted out in her soft comforting voice, "Do you want to build a snowman?" After you hear it out clearly, you cried out in front of her.

I see, You made to let out your emotions again after I left at the beginning of winter.

Tears just suddenly flow down from your eyes and your sister continues to comfort you.

"Elsa, shutting yourself and burdening it by yourself is not what Jack wanted for you right? Yesterday, I found a piece of paper hidden in our picture. Do you wanna read it. Here, take this." Anna slipped out a paper and held it to Elsa.

Elsa read it loudly that the two of them can hear...

"Love can heal a frozen heart. Both of your hearts were like your daisies: Pure, innocent, and there it lies your true love. If you had read this, remember that when you feel lost through your darkness, let your daisies enlighten you towards your true love.

P.S. I will get mad if you forget how to smile :)

Anna, protect her from me okay. I'm sorry if I can't give you some chocolates this time."

"Jack's really full of fun and suprises." Elsa giggles.

"Finally, you smiled again, I hope he can see you smile like that again." Anna frankly said.

"C'mon, I know that whenever he is, he always gonna see this smile of mine." Elsa said.

"So, do you want to build a snowman, the flower fields seems to be filled up with snow." Anna joyfully asked.

"If you insisted. Thank you, Anna." And she hugged her sister so tight and Anna also hugged her back.

Anna suddenly holds Elsa's hand and rushed out because of her excitement, they run straight to the fields and dive mountains mountain of snow.

I watched you played with your sister and build a snowman, I also tried to join your fun the last time. So, I scoop a pile of snow and form some snowballs. At first, I hit you, and it was so fun that you blame Anna just like before when I still have my body. Then, I hit your sister next that makes her revenge and rained you with her snowballs.

Finally, you set me free and I also set you free.

I know you can sense me even you can't see me anymore...

For the last time, I just wanna say thank you for believing in me for no matter what reasons, and, for now, before I take step to eternity, I want you to know that I promised myself that you are the only person I'll find and love you again through our next lives, see you soon.

"I will also find you, Jack. You are the only man that I will love again in our next lives. Thank you and see you soon." You whispered and tears started to fall to you.

Did you really reply to me, Elsa? No, it must be a coincidence.

"I can sense you there like a friend I've always known. Show yourself, I'm no longer trembling." You opened your eyes and started to see me like a dream.

I come close to you and place my head into yours.

"I see, you still believe in me no matter what." I whispered to her.

"Yes, Jack. Until eternity. Can I feel you for the last time?"

"Yes, you may, Elsa. I love you."

"I love you too." You smiled as you closed your eyes and cry.

Once I closed my eyes, I cried and at the same time I feel my soul fades little-by-little.

And for the last time, I see your smile from the day I first encountered you.

Because it is the only smile that enlightened me out of my darkness.

See you soon. I will find and love you again to our next lives.

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Prompt - Dani moves to England and never looks back again. She begins to pursue her career as a chef in England. She starts working for Owen in his restaurant as one of his chefs. Her friendship with Owen starts off pretty well and she really likes his company as he'd takes off the burden from Dani's shoulders by being there for her and also with his stupid puns.She starts enjoying her life in UK so she plans to get a green card as she doesn't have any plans of moving back to America.

One day, Jamie visits the restaurant, who happens to be Owen's best friend and his neighbour. Dani notices her for the first time and couldn't take her eyes off her. Jamie approaches Dani and asks for Owen. Dani doesn't seem to be listening to her the first time so Jamie clears her throat and Dani jumps and goes back into the kitchen to get Owen. Owen returns from the kitchen and greets Jamie with a hug and tells her that she looks FIT as she was formally dressed with suspenders and asks her if she was alright, since she had been through a break up a year and a half ago and was still recovering from that. Jamie replies that she was feeling pretty well and that she'd be attending a gardening conference in the city ( Which was why she was formally dressed). She was apparently a prolific person as she owned many branches of "The Leafling" in the country. Owen bids goodbye to Jamie and returns to the kitchen, approaches Dani and says "She has that effect on women,love" , winks at her and leaves her to her work. Dani tries to hide her fully flushed face and gets back to work.

After several attempts of trying to get a green card and failing at it, Dani feels hopeless and talks to Owen about it. Owen asks Dani if he could suggest something to which Dani says that she'd do anything and take any suggestions that would help her getting a green card. Owen tells Dani that the easiest way to get a green card was marriage ...... He says that he could arrange for that and also says that she could file for a divorce after receiving the green card. Dani asks Owen to give her some time so that she could think about it. That same night Dani texts Owen that she's ready for it.

Owen asks Jamie if she could do that for his friend and that it would mean everything to him and that he'd own her one. It takes a lot of convincing for Jamie to agree to that because she hardly dated anyone after the breakup but most importantly she was afraid that she'd like this girl, which she wasn't going to let it happen. She agrees but also warns him that she wouldn't be making an effort to know her and she wouldn't be letting Dani spend even one night after receiving the green card.

Owen tells Dani about it and when she asks him who it was, he replies that it was Jamie and Dani's face lits up.

Fast forwarding to the wedding day, they marry each other and head towards Jamie's house. Dani has already got her stuff to Jamie's flat and she was glad that Owen could help her out with that. Many days pass and Jamie makes least effort to get to know Dani or even talk to her properly. Dani was desperate to get to know so one day she tried to start a conversation with Jamie at the dinner table. She starts off by asking Jamie if the steak was good to which Jamie replies monotonously. Dani takes a deep breath, puts her knife and fork down, sits on the chair beside Jamie and has a serious talk about how rude she was being to her and how she was making efforts to make this a less embarrassing situation. Jamie is taken a back with Dani's anger and harshly asks her what she wanted with her deep voice. Dani moves soo close to Jamie that they could feel each other's breaths. Dani's eyes catches Jamie's lips and Jamie goes irresistible. She kisses Dani roughly and Dani kisses back. Jamie pulls away from the kiss and asks if this was what she wanted, Dani nods and starts shifting from her chair onto Jamie's lap. Jamie literally tears Dani's clothes, takes off her panties and fucks her roughly. When Dani comes undone on her hand and when Jamie starts to remove her hand now that Dani was done, Dani holds Jamie's wrist and says "That's all you've got?" Jamie's gets up holding Dani in the same position and kisses her, the couple reach Dani's bedroom and Jamie throws Dani onto the bed, leaves the room and comes back wearing a strap on. Dani's eyes widen looking at Jamie wearing a strap on, arousal starts pooling around again, Jamie approaches her and says "I'll show you what I've got". Jamie fucks her roughly with the strap on in every position she could ever imagine. The strap on was designed in such a way that it would pleasure Jamie too. Jamie fucks Dani's soo hard that if anybody was passing by the street, they could hear Dani's screams and moans.Both of them come undone numerous times. After fucking Dani for 2 hours straight, Dani starts to tear up as she seems to be too sensitive now and whispers "Stop" , Jamie still keeps going because she doesn't really hear Dani because she wasn't in her senses, she was removing the anger she had for her ex in her on Dani by fucking her too rough. This time Dani says a little louder "Jamie, please stop" . Jamie comes back to her senses and realises what she has done. She stops immediately, carefully removes the strap on and Dani moans painfully. Jamie throws the strap on across the room, shifts to sit on the edge of the bed, she scratches her head and puts her head into her palms, regretting what she has done. Dani tries to reach out to Jamie but she couldn't really get up from her position as she was in so much pain. Jamie gets up, gathers her things and says "I'm sorry,forget this ever happened" and leaves the room. Dani starts tearing up even more after Jamie had left the room but thankfully she falls asleep quickly because of all the action. On the other hand, Jamie finds it hard to sleep as she thinks about Dani and how rude she has been to her and how she had hurt her during sex.

The next day, Dani finds hard to wake up and move fast but she manages getting into shower and the hot water soothes her body. She dresses up and goes to the hall to see that Jamie had made her breakfast that day. Jamie approaches Dani, wishes her good morning and asks her to call her if she needed something and leaves for work. Dani was taken by surprise because Jamie had neither wished her nor been there for her previously. Dani eats her breakfast and leaves for work. When she reaches the restaurant and heads towards the kitchen, Owen mischievously asks Dani if she wanted the day off, Dani has this confused look on her face and Owen replies "Everybody needs a day off after a night like that", Dani gasps and stutters with her words as she thinks if she was that loud but finally manages to say that she was fine. Last night's memories flash in Dani's mind and it kind off hurts her because she starts to think that Jamie just used her for her stress relief.

After a while, owen approaches her tells her that he had arranged for a party that night on the occasion of 5 year anniversary of the restaurant and if she liked to attend it. Dani agrees and heads home to get dressed. She finds Jamie on the couch, already dressed in black shirt, black trousers with brown suspenders (Dani loved Jamie with suspenders). Dani asks Jamie if she was going to the party as well, to which Jamie replies saying "Yeah, can't really leave my wife alone in a party with drunk men now, can I? " Dani smiles after listening to that comment and heads towards her room to get dressed. Jamie starts to think that she's falling for this woman and it was a dangerous zone for her and decides to maintain distance again, Which she obviously fails to do after seeing Dani all dressed up.

They reach the party, greet Owen and Jamie takes up a place on the bar stool at the counter while Dani mingles with other people as Owen introduces her to high profile chefs. Jamie orders her drink and watches Dani from a distance, she notices that Dani was really finding it hard to sit down and move around with normal pace. Last night's incident flashes before her and she instantly starts regretting everything again. She could see that Dani was in pain so she approaches Dani, places her hand over her waist and says "Are you alright?" to which Dani replies that says " Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Jamie says "I dunno, I've noticed that you're finding it hard to sit and everything,but please be honest tell me, on a scale of 1-10 how bad is the pain" Dani says "ummm... an eight" Jamie sighs and says " come here *hugs her as Dani places her arms on Jamie's shoulder and burys her face in Jamie's neck* Jamie says "I'm sorry, love, I went too far with it" Dani smiles at the comment made by Jamie, calling her love , Dani says "Hey, it's okay. It's not like I didn't enjoy it but yeah you went too far with it at some point" to which Jamie replies saying " I'm sorry for everything, I know I treated you bad, I was rude to you and no excuse would justify my actions, but I'll try to make things better for you however I can so please tell me if you need to see a doctor or something, you don't have to go by yourself, it's my fault. Dani says " Hey, it's okay, I'll be okay, just give it a couple of days" Jamie asks Dani if she was sure and Dani assures her about it. Jamie asks Dani if she wants to go home and rest but Dani says that she could manage it. The entire time during the party, Jamie doesn't leave Dani's side.

After heading home, Jamie offers Dani her room to sleep in as the mattress in her room was softer and comfortable than the one in Dani's room. Dani agrees and starts to settle in Jamie's bed. Jamie asks Dani if she wanted tea, Dani says no and just then Jamie starts to leave the room. Dani asks Jamie where she was going and Jamie says that she would sleep on the couch, to which Dani replies saying "What if I need something during the night and I couldn't get up and there was nobody in the room, you said you'd make things better for me" Jamie sights and says "Fine, move over" and settles into the bed. They sleep with proper distance between each other.

The next morning, Jamie opens her eyes as the sunlight strikes the window. She tried to get up only to find an extra body weight on her. She didn't know when Dani had completely snuggled into her during the night.

That was when Jamie had realised that,

"SHE WAS FUCKED"

From then on the story takes a completely different turn

Okay this is a VERY detailed prompt and I do love that and I love this idea... I feel like there might be some things involved in this fic I am not the best at writing (the rough stuff) but when I get time I can sure as hell give something like this a go, but I am not the best at writing really rough stuff like that so I really don't know if I would be able to it justice for you or not... but I can give it a go when I have wrapped up some of my WIPs and some of my other prompts!! Thank you for sending this my way and for trusting me with an idea like this

[yootipweek]

Yootip Week 2019 Day 6 "Perspective"

By Kimione (Yootip Amino)

"It's okay. Thanks for the ride."

His eyes narrowed at her dismissive tone and he couldn't help the raising suspicion that she was lying. He always had a remarkable talent of detecting lies and this intuition had never failed him so far. His eyes followed her receding back, that stubborn set of shoulders, the disheavled hair but the girl didn't even spare him a backward glance.

Kousuke's eyes narrowed to a slit. She was a stubborn person but he wasn't someone who easily gives up either. He wasn't a force to be underestimated. If one thing is true about Kousuke Hirahara, it is that he gets his way once he sets his mind to it.

With a firmer resolve, he swerved the car towards a nearby parking slot and killed the engine. Within moments, he found himself inside the hospital lobby and it didn't take him long to determine that the girl in question was nowhere in sight. He slowly made his way to the reception counter in the rear part of the room where a nursing staff was engaged in a deep conversation with the receptionist, his eyes still scanning the area for a silhouette in black dress.

"Excuse me, but could you tell me where Mr Yoo is currently posted? I've been told that he works the night shift in the capacity of a nursing staff of this hospital." Kousuke queried.

He was momentarily taken aback by the brief gasp that ensued from the man in green scrubs.

"You.. You.. I mean.. How on earth..?!" he sputtered incoherently.

Kousuke frowned. Has he seen this man somewhere? The face did look vaguely familiar but he couldn't quite place it. His patience was already growing thin at his sluggish response. For all he knew, he was wasting valuable time over some incompetent employee.

Thankfully, the receptionist chose that moment to intercede on the nurse's behalf.

"I'm afraid Mr Yoo is on a leave of absence in light of his recent medical condition. It is difficult to say when he'll report back for duty"

Kousuke took a sharp breath.

So he was right all along. The girl is a terrible liar.

He couldn't help the momentary disappointment that surged inside him. She really didn't trust him enough. But again, he couldn't exactly blame her after what had ensued in the hospital hours earlier.

"Can you at least tell me where he's been admitted?" he inquired.

The lady raised an eyebrow at his presumption but smoothly denied the request since it's against the hospital policy.

"That's alright. I understand", Kousuke nodded briefly. Frustration and impatience was waging a war inside him. If only he had managed to convince her in the car. He should have known better. Her pride is like a double edged sword.

Sparing a transitory glance at the other person in the vicinity (who was slowly getting redder with some kind of indignant expression), Kousuke directed his attention to the visual sign board to the right. And his breath caught in his throat. He could have sworn that he saw a trail of black skirt disappearing around the corner.

"If you'll excuse me", he hastily murmured before chasing that brief glimpse. Shin ae still must be feeling quite sluggish to still be around. He rounded the corner to find a stark white corridor paving the way to a set of private rooms. His mind raced, quickly assessing his options as he made his way down the passage in a near frenzy. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. That girl wasn't Shin ae afterall. Frustration engulfed him at the thought of hitting a dead end. He was nearly at the end of the aisle when he heard a familiar voice seeping out through the door ahead. He probably wouldn't even have caught it if it wasn't for the near complete pin drop silence in the vicinity.

To his surprise, the door was partially ajar, letting some light seep in while the rest of the room was plunged in darkness. The girl he was seeking had not even bothered to turn on the lights. Her back was facing the doorway and Kousuke had never seen a more defeated silhouette as Shin ae cried inconsolably over her father's supine profile.

"Who am I kidding? I should have never gone. Everything was supposed to be fine after yesterday night but nothing is! I should have been truthful to you from the start instead of trying to handle things on my own! I should have never gone behind your back to work! You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me! " her cries pierced the still air with a heart wrenching pitch.

"I'm so sorry."

She looked so small and so completely, utterly defeated as her tiny frame rocked with tears and despite Kousuke's every attempt to remain detached and clinical, his heart couldn't help but ache at such a despondent sight. . He clenched his fist as it almost defied logic and wished to reach out to her.

Behind that carefully preserved strong facade, lied a lonely girl who could also crumble easily to pieces. The shoulders that defied even gravity itself were forced to droop down. Hopelessness, despair and loss engulfed her in a tight vice like hold. It's a sad sight to see anyone break, but one as headstrong as Shin ae who faces every challenge head on? The sight is borderline tragic. It felt like a cruel mockery by fate.

She slowly quietened down to incomprehensible sobs as she laid her head on the only family she had in the world, the only person she could count on. Unknowingly to her, there was a shadow enveloping her from behind. A shadow that noticed her in her weakest moment, when she poured out her real self. A shadow that symbolically had her back when she cried herself to sleep, that slowly receded from the room to do some tinkering with the fate itself, for her.

Kousuke drove away that night but his mind was buzzing with words and memories.

"He still has feelings."

"You had me think your son would face backlash from everyone. I couldn't let that happen. Especially if it was due to me in the first place."

"Can't you see your son is uncomfortable?!"

"You took advantage of my situation."

"All this time I thought your son will lose his job because of me."

"But you should talk to him about these things. Let him have a say."

"Would you have given me a job as a favour?"

She had reached out to him in her moment of need and he had proved that her hope was misplaced.

Her words replayed in his mind. She had subjected herself to utter misery so that he could keep his job. She had fought for him, stood up for him when he never even asked her to, when the thought of someone caring for him never even crossed his mind. He had thought that every person has to look out for himself for so long that he himself had forgotten how deeply impactful it is to realise someone cares. No one ever thought he needed that, least of all he himself. Until she came along.

She had tried to shield him in her own way. And it was time that he returned the favour. He could make sure that she's shielded from harm as long as he's out there looking after her from the shadows.

His mind started formulating possible steps to achieve the goal.

A phone just for her. A post right under him. A social help organization.

The rational part of him reasoned that he owed her that much at the least and a small, unreasonable part of him cared enough too.

And knowing Kousuke, he always gets his way when he sets his mind to it.

Fin.

[shall-we-imagine]

Lovely. (Sigurd Curtis×Reader *AU*)

Requested: 15. "If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program." + 22. "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops." From the prompt list.

Genre: Fluff.

(Second Person Point of View)

"I'm telling you, Amelia! This psycho lady kept insisting I give her a cheese burger with no cheese! And when I tried to explain to her that this is basically just a burger not a cheeseburger, she went nuts!" You complain into the phone, as you struggle to open the door to your apartment without dropping your grocery at the same time.

"Like what even is this?! And when I finally gave up and told her I'll get her that cheese burger with no cheese.." you recite the customer's words in a tone of mockery, "She just still wasn't having it! She asked to speak to the manager who wasn't even there at the time! All my coworkers and even some customers had to intervene before she tries to kill me or something.."

You hear loud laughter from the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry; it's just-" your friend pauses to laugh even harder, "it's actually hilarious; I'm sorry."

"Amelia!" You whine dramatically, "Stop laughing at my sorrows!" Even though you let out a little laugh yourself, you were still willing to demand she doesn't laugh...just because.

After locking the door, you slip off your shoes, placing it near the door frame, then walk into the kitchen to put the items you bought in their correct places.

"At least it's over, though, right?"

"Well, that's not all. After waiting at the bus stop for like 15 minutes, I realized I had forgotten my purse in the changing room, so I had to go back to get my purse then walk to the bus stop again, and by now, I'd already missed the bus, of course. Therefore, I had to wait for 30 minutes for the next bus." You sigh, "And don't even get me started on that weird guy from the supermarket!"

"What happened?" Amelia giggles, still amused by your irritation.

"So, you know how I prefer buying groceries alone because it makes everything quicker and helps me focus better and not forget anything?" You begin placing items on shelves and in the fridge, not planning to stop the phone call before you're done ranting.

"Yeah?"

"Well, this random dude that I never even met before decided that my angry aura wasn't enough to keep him away, no! He decided to just walk up to me, for no reason at all, and make conversation. Now, this wouldn't be too bad if he didn't follow me throughout the entire time I was shopping. Even after I expressed my discomfort and annoyance, he just couldn't take a hint! And I was in no mood for being flirted with or being talked to at all actually." You huff.

"Woah, it's like the universe is just purposely pissing you off."

"Tell me about it! If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program."

Amelia laughs. "Just get some sleep; you'll be fine." She assures.

"Yeah, I'm really exhausted; I just want to pass out for a week!" You become more and more eager to drown in your own bed the closer you get to your room.

"Well, I'll let you nap for now, but don't forget the essay; we have to hand it over on Tuesday!" Knowing your habit of procrastination, Amelia never fails to remind you of the stuff you need to do. Multiple times.

"I know I know; I'll get started right after I wake up..and eat..and maybe watch an episode of-" She cuts off your already clear intentions of procrastinating.

"(Y/N)! Right after you wake up and eat! Don't make me come over there and supervise as you write!" She threatens.

You groan, "Fine; I'll do it."

After Amelia declares her temporary victory, you end the phone call and get comfortable in bed, ready to get some rest before you have to do your assignments. You set your alarm for an hour after the current time then place your phone on the nightstand.

The mattress and pillow partly engulf your body in heavenly softness, and you happily let the irritation from earlier float away.

However, life seemed to have more troubles to throw at you today.

The sound of drilling coming from the other side of the wall behind your bed startles you into full consciousness. Frowning, you wait a few minutes in hopes the drilling would stop, but, sadly, life still hated you and had no plans of having mercy on you. Trying to ignore the drilling was a hopeless case, too.

"Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with my neighbour?! It's been 25 minutes! What's up with all the noise?!" You complain to yourself, pushing your face into the pillow out of frustration.

You let out a huff. "I'll go talk to them. I'm not sacrificing my sleep for them to put up some decorations or whatever the fuck they're really doing."

Smoothing down your hair to make it look presentable, you contemplate whether you really need to change your pyjamas to go knock on your next door neighbours and ask them to keep it down. Nah.

You rub your eyes, still feeling sleepy and exhausted, as you wait for your oh-so-lovely neighbour to answer the door.

"Hello?" Greets a male about your age. Well..let's just say he certainly is really really really lovely. And suddenly, you regret not changing into something nicer than your my little pony print pyjamas.

He gave you a sweet smile as if he wasn't just chasing the sleep away from you with his drilling.

"Uh, hi." You shuffle your weight from leg to the other awkwardly. "Would you mind..um..not drilling into the wall right now? I've had a long day, and I'm trying to sleep.." You waited for a rude reaction, but the expected response never came.

Instead, the purple-haired male pokes his head back inside the apartment. "Vincent! Hey, Vincent!" He yells.

You hear a faint yeah? come from inside before the neighbour you never knew was so handsome shouts again, "I told you you're gonna bother our neighbours, but did you listen?! Nooo, you decided to try it anyway! Just stop drilling!"

"What neighbours? There's only one other apartment on our floor; don't make it sound like I'm bothering the entire buildi-" the other voice kept getting louder, indicating the person was walking closer to the door. When he finally reached the door and pulled it open, Vincent that was yelling from inside paused mid-sentence.

"Ooh, I see why you're so concerned about the noise." The redhead shoots a wink towards what you assumed was his flatmate before walking back inside, leaving good-looking neighbour flustered.

"Uh-um, never mind him. He just likes joking around; it's nothing, re-" His embarrassed rambling was cut off by a yell from inside.

"Shut up; you know you were calling her cute earlier, Sigurd!" Sigurd's panicked eyes meet yours, and you could practically feel the temperature rising in the hallway, due to the heat emitting from both your faces.

Despite how embarrassed you are, you were still absolutely flattered, which caused you to let out a small giggle, further increasing Sigurd's blushing.

"He's only joking; don't take him seriously. He just likes to embarass me." Sigurd tries to indirectly deny his flatmate's comment. You would be disappointed if it weren't so amusing and adorable watching him sheepishly sputter out excuses and defences.

"Are you saying you don't think she's cute then?" A blond pokes his head outside. You could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt, but he didn't seem to mind being seen like that.

Sigurd falls into another spiral of panicked, embarrassed babbling. "No!" He quickly turns to look at you, "I don't mean you're not cute! You're certainly cute- I mean if I were asked, I'd say you're cute- Like I wasn't just thinking about you being cute; not that I wouldn't think you're cute- oh my god, I'm sorry; just forget about this! Klaus, just go put a shirt on and leave me alone!"

By now, you were full on laughing hysterically at the interaction between Sigurd and his other flatmate.

"It's only fair, compared to how much you tease me." The shirtless male shrugs, walking back inside.

Sigurd sighs. "I'm sorry about Klaus and Vincent; they're practically family, so we tease each other all the time." He scratches the back of his head.

"It's okay." You smile. It was as if you'd completely forgotten you came here, ready to fight whoever disturbed your sleep. "Must be really fun living together like that, though."

"Yeah, I suppose." He nods. "Things sometimes get insane, but we're used to it by now. Insanity runs in my family. it practically gallops." He chuckles.

You let out a laugh, "Yeah, I totally know what you mean."

Seeming to have forgotten about being sleepy just a while ago, you allow yourself to have a full conversation with Sigurd. It may have lasted for a full hour, and you wouldn't even know.

"My goodness, just ask her out already!" Vincent yells from inside.

"Shut up!" Sigurd yells back.

"You really have no idea how to get the ladies, huh?" Klaus joins the yelling fest.

"Says the guy that thinks insulting the girl is a good way to encourage and motivate her!" It seemed like Sigurd had gotten comfortable around you, so he was no longer affected by their teasing; he was ready to talk back now. It somehow made you feel warm inside.

"I'm just being honest!" Klaus defends.

"You're just being mean!" Vincent argues.

"I'm not mean!" Before long, Vincent and Klaus had gotten in an argument in the backgroud, allowing you and Sigurd to retrieve your one-on-one conversation.

"Well, um, do you wanna go grab some coffee later?" Sigurd smiles. "You know..to prove them wrong?" He fakes an innocent smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why." You giggle. "But, sure, why not?"

After deciding the time and day, you said your goodbyes, and you went back to your apartment.

At least now when Amelia calls again you can distract her with news about your date, so she doesn't have to scold you for not working on the essay until now.